Q&A – Mosaic Frog

Wedding Tradition Questions & Answers.
(all names of those inquiring are kept confidential)

I enjoy to research things, and brainstorm with others! I sincerely welcome your questions and comments.

Names or personal comments will not be included here (unless requested otherwise), only information that I hope will be of help to others.

I have included some highlights of great Q&A below.

Ringing Bells

Q: Do you know where/why the tradition of ringing bells came from? 1-13-03

A: Ahh yes I do.. To scare off the evil spirits.. Boy are weddings a festival of superstitions? (source: Perfectwed.com that site no longer exists)

The tradition of ringing wedding bells dates back to the ancient Britons. Afraid that many of life’s major transition points–birth, wedding, death– made a person too vulnerable to evil spirits, bells were rung to make lots of noise and scare the evil spirits away. Joyful ringing is employed for happy events such as weddings and christenings, somber ringing for deaths. In later years, bell ringing became a form of communication for the larger population. On the occasion of a happy or sad event, the bells would ring from parish to parish to spread the news

So many sounds are used to freak out the Evil Spirits, clicking glasses was one of them as well. (Toasts/glass clicking should not contain: tea, coffee or water, the recommended beverages are: champagne, wine or mixed beverage or a non-alcoholic beverage.) The rule also requires the beverage be served to the bride, then groom, maid of honor, parents then best man.

Many cultures also share bell ring and noise also, here is excerpt (from: http://www.weddingdetails.com/lore/hindu.cfm) with some Bengali Wedding Traditions:

As the groom arrives he is welcomed by blowing conch shells, ringing bells and ululation. The mistress of the house touches the silver plate to the groom’s forehead and then the ground, and up to the groom. This is repeated three times, the groom is offered sweets. Water is then poured on the doorstep of the house as the groom enters.

Women blow conch shells, ring bells, and take up wailing. The bride does not eat any food in her in-laws house. That night, the bride wears a new sari. The bedroom is tastefully decorated with flowers. The flowers and clothes come from the bride’s house along with the sweets.

Flower Girl Origin & Meaning.

Q: My sister married in June and I love scrap booking. Therefore I am putting together her book. However in all of my research I can find nothing on the FLOWER GIRL. I have for everything else and even goodies I didn’t know. Please help me with the origination and customs…Thank you so much Mon 12/2/2002 6:11 AM

A: Thank you so much for your email, and thank you for you question. That is an excellent inquiry. It is something I have found very hard to find the true basis of the flower girl too! I recall some customs speaking of the miniature bride & groom, basically this signifies the youth and innocence of the bride and groom… The flower girl is positioned differently in some ceremonies which also changes her meaning, some she will follow the bride and hold the very back of the gown (assisting the other maids), some she will proceed the bride sprinkling petals before the bride… Which is part of the folklore of why the aisle runner is placed, that the bride is essentially in danger of evil stealing her before she marries.. So anything that can keep her from touching the floor, falling, tripping, etc. are things that are done (the carrying over the threshold is also part of this, as she is still susceptible to evil and such even crossing the threshold, and it is bad luck if she trips.. Poor thing eh?)

Tell me about what part the flower girl played, and I can help you further.. I will also add this to my site, it was an over site, and my apologies… Wonderful gift you are making, she will cherish it!

Also let me know anything else you need help on I would be more than happy to help you!

R: Thank you also for the response. I have found some new info…this too might help you:

German: a young girl proceeds in front of the bride as they are traveling down the path to the church. The girl sprinkle petals to wish good luck and to wart off evil spirits.
England: The children act more as “pages” mainly to hold the train…….actually this was done by a young boy……anyhow…the same applies as the German tradition just more formal

Kelli our little niece simply threw her petals “gently” as she proceeded before the Bride. and of course stood by the bridesmaids during the ceremony (that in itself is always a treat)

Once again thank you for your response…if I come up with any other questions I will ask.

Wedding Planner (job, how to become a Wedding Planner?)

Q: I was searching the web about cultural wedding sites and came across your site. I’m also trying to become a wedding planner and learn all I can about that to help my customers. I saw you have links for your cultural section and wondered when you get a moment would you visit my site moroccantreasures.com we do custom and traditional handmade Moroccan gowns, gold & silver belts, jewelry and head pieces along with other unique items.

Can you tell me if you need a license or if there are classes on becoming a wedding planner? I’m really interested in this and I would really appreciate any advice.

Thanks for your time I look forward to your response! Tue 11/26/2002 2:42 PM

A: You might also might want to hit your local community college they often offer classes for wedding or party planning that you might find helpful, also hit your local library or bookstore and skim through the party planning books and business guides, there are a lot of facets to being a wedding planner, you need to decide how much you want to do and how much help you might need. You will need to survey and check out the local florists, bridal shops, caterers, bakeries, invitation stores, limo services, travel agencies and more,.. Make sure they are reputable establish a good report with them and you will then be able to get great service from them and discounts.. I recommend doing a lot of reading and also checking places out thoroughly get a list of customers from the businesses for reference purposes.. You can be marred by their bad business so you want to make sure they are ethical and reputable. I can not stress that enough! I have seen some businesses with really bad business sense! Thank you again and if I can be of any help please, please do not hesitate to let me know, take care and much luck!

Here is a site with marriage laws and planning advice, this should be valuable too! http://usmarriagelaws.com/
You can find books on Amazon.com that will offer more info on becoming a wedding planner. Since new books come out all the time, I will just recommend typing in “Wedding Planner” and searching in the books category. From there you can find the latest edition, and best rated.

Wedding Cake Charms: Something Meaningful from Mom to Bride for an away wedding.

Q: I love this example of an idea for the bridesmaids (Wedding Cake Charms). Is there something along this line (sentimental, etc.!) that would be a surprise for the bride and groom. I am the bride’s Mother and would LOVE to have some special surprise for our children that would blow everyone’s minds!

this is my daughter’s 2nd (sent from Heaven!) marriage. She SWORE she’s NEVER marry again – and it’s been 14 years, so she almost kept her word! They are eloping – sort of! Her sister is planning everything (she’s a fanatic and GREAT at it!) The bride just gave her full charge of EVERYTHING. The bride gave her sister their credit cards and she’s arranging a wedding on SATURDAY. No one else will be there! But she HAS ordered a cake (made to look like a wrapped gift!) So, when I saw the Cake pulls, I loved the idea, but was very disappointed that it was for the attendants and not the couple. . . .

I was just wanting something her sister could add so the bride would know her parents are behind her in this. We are 920 miles away and cannot get there – but the bride doesn’t want anyone there – nervous about her PROMISE TO NEVER MARRY AGAIN, I think! And besides, the groom’s been after her for a year to marry him – so the second she said YES, he said they’d do it first chance – and he’s coming home on Thursday for Thanksgiving. Tue 11/26/2002 11:21 AM

A: The BEST “gift” or surprise would really to go, be there, regardless what she is asking you to do, surprise her and be there. She will never forget it and it would help her with the decision against her plan to never marry again..

If this is not an option, let me touch on the cake charm thing you love so much, traditions are simply something that has been done, you connect meaning to what gives you meaning. There is no law or rule that says you can not tuck something special in the cake as well.. make it something that has meaning between you and your daughter to show her that your heart is with her. Suggestions: a locket with a photo of you and her on one side and her and her new hubbie in t he other.. to avoid it getting damaged seal it in plastic (the vacuum sealing would work well) or a charm that has meaning between you to, you can go to any jewelry store and find charms that pretty much hit every entity in the world.. or some will even make one for you, just ask.. perhaps that is special, (I adore lighthouses, and if you two do too, this would be something very meaningful, and lighthouses symbolize light on a safe harbor,.. security and home) perhaps just a heart charm to show the love.. you have for her, and hopes you have for her.. there are charms of houses, or animals, and more, the meaning is what you wish to have it apply to it.. and to add to the meaning.. here is an idea.. charm in the cake attached to a ribbon to be pulled out, at the other end of the ribbon write a little note tuck in a tiny envelope (you can get these in the gift wrap aisles in card shops) and write your meaning in the card.. write on the outside of the envelope to open the card after pulling the ribbon..

You are more than welcome, it brings me allot of joy to help in any way! Happy Turkey Day!

Bustling the Train.

Q: My wedding is in March, so I haven’t gotten my dress altered or had the bustle put in. My question is have you heard of a bustle made where ribbon is used to tie the bustles together? A friend suggested this to me when a friend of hers had her bustle come un-done at her wedding and suggested this, and it looks really pretty too. Tue 11/19/2002 10:26 PM

A: Like a bustle ring, where it goes through a loop and is usually attached to your wrist.. That is one thing I have seen.

Is what she used having ribbon sewn to the gown then .. Well I just can not imagine what it could be, tell me more, please. I have seen buttons and loops.. The loops sewn on the train, and this I know has worked well.. What methods have you seen not work, ideally I think a detachable train is best, much less hassle.. Or best yet no train, but I know the photos are gorgeous when a train is in it. Good luck, if I can help in anyway please let me know, and meanwhile congratulations! I wish you a world of happiness!

Q: I am not sure what each bustle looks like on the back of a dress, but she said where you attach each bustle, it is attached by tying a pretty ribbon that has been sewn to the train to the loop. I don’t really know, just came across this site so I thought I’d ask.. I will be getting a French bustle put on to mine, but have yet to speak with anyone so far. Thanks for your email. Tue 11/19/2002 11:15 PM

A: (on my site, I have a glossary of trains you can check out) might help you understand bustles a little better that is my trains, skirts and hems section. Ok so instead of using buttons to attach the bustle, tying ribbons are used.. The loops are stitched on the train, like with the button bustling, is what it sounds like. And they are using ribbon instead of buttons to hold them up.

Are you familiar with a French bustle, I do have an image of it on that page I gave you the link to, to help clarify it for you too, as well as bustles and such.

Again if I can help or clarify I would be happy to, and again good luck & much happiness!

Sabrina Online (novel) and Fabric questions.

Q: Thank you for such a comprehensive website!
I author a novel called Sabrina Online: The Story at www.chrisfoxx.com, and in the chapter I’m currently writing, Sabrina is going shopping with her girlfriends for a bridal gown. I actually want to put some substance into her shopping, and I’ve gleaned more information from your site than I could have hoped for.
If you’d like, I’d be happy to give or exchange a link!
Thank you again for the time you took to put this together. Sat 11/16/2002 8:50 PM

A: If you need more help with that bridal gown shopping, I worked as a consultant and would more than happily help you with some ideas and stories. Yes, I would love to see your work, Thank you and I am thrilled my site was helpful, Good Luck & Good Wishes.

Q: The Story is based on characters found in the comic strip from which it’s based, Sabrina Online by Eric Schwartz, which I recommend reading the first 50-60 strips to get a feel for Sabrina and some of the other characters. You’ll find a link to the archives on my Reciprocated Links page, and Eric’s site is http://www.coax.net/people/erics/, and the current strips are at www.sabrina-online.com. here’s Question With Which To Bug You Number One: just how easily wrinkled *is* Taffeta? And what does it feel like?11/17/2002 5:34 PM

A: very easily wrinkled, it is very stiff.. you would have to see & feel taffeta for the best idea, but it is stiff like paper, so anything that is like that will hold a crease. It is very uncomfortable, and I wonder about the nut who thought this was a good idea to create! It is horrible looking, uncomfortable, and well just plain awful (personal opinion, to each his/her own)!

fabric, that would be… soft & beautiful.. organza, shimmery, soft, delicate, very light and airy.. I love this fabric myself… of course silk would be soft and beautiful.. very sexy fabric, it drapes beautifully, and feels amazing! chiffon, would have a feeling in-between organza and silk, it is very soft, and beautiful..
Organza is slightly heavier than chiffon, chiffon is sheer, used as a layer over a heavier fabric.

(see my glossary of terms)

Here is what I have for Taffeta: Taffeta A stiff, medium weight fabric usually made of polyester or a blend. It is widely used in bridal gowns, bridesmaid dresses and prom gowns. It is easily recognized by the crisp, swishing sound it makes as you move. It has a medium sheen. See also, Moiré.

taffeta became popular for a couple reason, cheap, and it is stiff, think of the 50’s, they wanted them full and to stay full, the layers beneath gowns would get weighed down easily by soft heavy satins, since for a long time the slips were made of layers of soft fabrics, then a stiff tulle was used, and lighter fabrics would work well with the stiff tulle, for the full skirt affect. But yeah taffeta is horrible, but like harvest gold and avocado green once being desired so was taffeta, it is by far no where as poplar as it once was, thank goodness.

The softer fabrics do not crease or crinkle as easily, but other than permanent press wrinkles can occur, the organza I think would be to “her” liking, another thought when is the wedding being held, spring, summer, fall or winter, organza is most appropriate for summer and spring.. if it is fall or winter go with a nice brocade satin, that is luxurious and gorgeous plus heavier for the winter time, or fall.

White Bridal Gown Origin?

Q: The custom of the bride wearing a white wedding gown began in which country? Fri 10/25/2002 3:46 PM

A: See my page “The Bride Wore White?” It is pretty much between England & France, and has been debated for a long time.

There are two women noted to have made the white wedding gown popular:

Anne of Brittany in 1499.
Queen Victoria, who broke the tradition of royals by marrying in silver.

By the late eighteenth century, white had become the standard wedding color.

2nd Wedding Ideas, please

Q:How sweet are you, a total stranger, who is willing to help me brainstorm idea for my wedding! Thank you for your kindness. By the way, I checked out your photo album. You look very happy and seem to be very committed to your family, friends, and dog, of course (but not necessarily in that order!).

Ok, I’ll fire away. Mike and I have been together now for a little over 2 years. I “re-met” him at my sister’s wedding shortly after I was divorced and ready to consider dating again. Mike, my brother-in-law, and I all went to grade school together and were in the same grade. An interesting note is that Mike and I were Mary and Joseph in our kindergarten production of the Nativity. We have pictures of the two of us in costume. Adorable!

A thought: maybe a sock-hop would be fun! Or is that too corny? Not very romantic. Truthfully, I am interested in only having our immediate family in attendance, but Mike also wants our closest friends…so it’ll probably still be a small intimate gathering. That’s what I want anyhow. In terms of a wedding, I am big on romance, sentimentality, and simple elegance. However, Mike is big on the fun and after some discussion, we both thought it would b e great to have a non typical wedding in which there would be something fun to DO rather than just the run of the mill dinner and dancing.

We had originally planned on getting married in the spring at my parent’s home. They live on a beautiful 5 acre piece of property with gorgeous landscaping overlooking a pond. I thought it would be nice simply to take everyone out to dinner afterward. Mike ixnayed that idea and said he wants something more than that. Money is definitely an issue, and the budget is tight.

Yes, we’re talking this December, 2002. After a devastating divorce, Mike came into my life at a time when I had just opened my heart to the possibility of loving again. I asked God to choose my next spouse, and in walks Mike. He is so good to both me and my two boys (ages 5 and 6), and to top it off…he is a man who can actually “do” feelings! What a concept!!!

Bear with me, I’m just gonna throw some random things out at you: Mike loves rocking chairs and rocking in them. We traveled to the east coast last summer (Massachusetts and Maine) and had an absolutely perfect time. I love the outdoors, i.e. hiking. We both want to travel more. WE are both simple people in the sense that we don’t need all the fancy material things in life….we are about God and love and family and friendship and companionship. Mike enjoys sports as do I. I, however, thrive a bit more on adventure and excitement than does Mike. We like to play tennis. We enjoy hanging out with family and simply playing games (board and dice games). Mike works in the construction business and I am finishing up nursing school. Mike thought renting a boat in downtown Chicago would be a fun thing to do, but at that time of the year I don’t believe they even rent out those boats for parties. I thought a lodge wedding would be romantic and intimate, however , even in December, you’re not guaranteed snow, so snow sports would even be iffy.

Well, I hope this gives you enough to start cranking up your creative juices. Let me know if you need to know anything else. Thanks again for your willingness to help out a stranger.

A: ahh as it is said a stranger is a friend you have no met yet! Yep they are my world.. I love (my hubbies) family, our friends (who are my family) and our pup who is forever my baby! and thank you for the comments!

too cute, Mary and Joseph in kindergarten nativity.

sock hop would be fun if that is something that connects to you both. Nothing is “corny” if you enjoy it and it has meaning to you! Only time something seems silly is if there is not a connection between the people and the act they are doing, think about that! Often you see a song redone by another artist, or some one playing the same part as another, if it does not hold some connection for that person it looks ridiculous, so that is one way to think of things. The sock hop could be totally romantic.. the groomsmen in leather jackets, ducktails and t-shirts with rolled up jeans, the gals in poodle skirts or rolled up jeans and oxford tops, with Bobbie socks. The music strictly 50-60’s, have cds done up to look like old 45s, with some of your favorite music burned on them, as favors for the guests,… silver balloons galore around the ceiling and floor, have the fathers dress as teachers or as the principle.. so a basic suit (they likely already own) and wide tie. Romance is where you find it. So if that connects to you both go with it, I am not sure your age, but if either that was your time period, or if that is something you both connect with that would be fun! It would also be very memorable for all! Ohh a soda jerk instead of bartender, serving up Coke and floats! The food cheeseburgers and fries, of course.. or pizza, I would go for both just be make it interesting.. really most slop served at weddings are gross at least you know this form of fare would be well accepted normally!

OK of course my mind is running in 100 directions, I really love to come up with stuff! OK got some stuff for you see how it spins.. aside from my ideas for the sock hop, ok let me roll these by you, let me know how close I am to possibility.. for you guys.. ok he likes fun you like romance.. cool.. this can be fun and romantic.. and boy do I go crazy with ideas in that arena!

OK do you have a local ren fair? if so, not sure if yours would run in December, but if they do you can have your ceremony there in full garb, not allot you would have to put out other than costume and fees for the actors you might hire (juggler, peddler, and so forth) Henry the 8th style fare, with the big huge leg-o-mutton! I can share more on this if you are interested!

The Nativity, or school play idea could work.. perhaps Romeo and Juliet, you on a balcony giving your vows to he who is below.. a ladder to the balcony and the kiss.. this might be a tad elaborate but does not have to be, it could be done total school play fashion with the balcony being a ladder with fabric draped around it, and his ladder in front of it, you could add some paper around your “balcony” to look like railings.. it would be sweet, and have programs that explain your meeting in kindergarten and this the start of the rest of the romance!

Riverboats are awesome, and I believe they are as close as southern Illinois I know that is a distance from you but would be a romantic and neat idea! You could dress in late 1800’s fashion to go with the riverboat, and the riverboat company may be able to help loan on the costumes! Otherwise a local theatre company, or all else fails make them yourself or find and make friends with a nice seamstress! This would be fun and romantic! Have the tables as the green felt gambling tables, and bingo as an activity, the proceeds could go to you both, or a local charity or local church.

another though your boys, what do they like to do, picking their brain can be fun too! You would be surprise the ideas they can come up with!

Well this is a start, let me know what you think, and we shall banter some more, Congrats again, I am very happy you found happiness, enjoy for always! 8-25-02

Winter Wedding & Second Marriage.

Q: I absolutely love your website. So many interesting facts and creative ideas! I am wondering if you can offer any ideas to me. I am planning on getting married in December of this year. It will be the 2nd marriage for both my fiancé and me so we am not interested in doing anything big. We are interested, rather, in a simple yet unique and fun wedding. Originally we wanted an outdoor Spring wedding at my parents house, but have decided on a Winter wedding. We live near Chicago, IL and wondered if you had any ideas for us regarding a location for our ceremony at this time of the year in or near Chicago or even Michigan; a getaway weekend might even work. I love your idea of the lighthouse. There are some in Michigan, however, December would probably not be the best month to do this. Any suggestions? Sat 8/24/2002 12:47 PM

A: first Thank you for your comments, I love to hear nice things!

second, keep in mind this might be your second wedding, but the intention is for it to be a keeper, so don’t lessen it just because you were married before. Now that said.. heck yeah I would love to help you with ideas, I love to do that! (I am sure that is kind of obvious from my site, eh?)

Well if you can handle the winters (I know they get pretty rough in Chicago) go for the lighthouse, but for most I know that would be insane.. are you looking an away wedding, just the two of you, or do you want guests, about how many? Where/how did you guys meet? Is there a common bond you would like to involve (or share, and I likely might come up with something cool to incorporate it)? How about something unique and special about you and or him, I prefer to make things more personal than universal.. sooo do share, I will spill out everything that I toss through my mind, and that can be allot trust me!

And you do have some awesome spots up there, so let me know about the things I have asked, and I shall brainstorm.. Good luck and congrats!

so I guess this would be what like December next or this year? time frame helps too.. look forward to hearing back from you! 8-24-02

Break-Away Bouquets

Q: I happened on your website when looking for some information about a wedding bouquet with charms that comes apart when thrown. I was in a little bridal shop today when a lady came in asking about this. Someone told her they had seen something about this from Martha Stewart. I just knew that I could do an internet search and find this idea. Your mention of it is the ONLY thing I’ve found anywhere.

Could you either tell me about how to make or direct me to a website that would give me more information about this break-away-bouquet. I would love to be about to call the lady and give her this information. She specified that it had charms on it and came apart when thrown. Thank you. (8-2-02)

A: thank you very much for your inquiry, I am not sure if you visited my Wedding Q&A page, but that is where I gave an idea to another person about how this could be done easily… here is the whole comment I made.. (referred her to below on message dated 7-24/25-02 titled “Break Away Bouquet & Cake Charms”) Thank you again, and if you have any further questions do not hesitate to ask, happiness in everything!

Anniversary Gifts (meaning behind the gifts)

Q: My first anniversary is coming soon and I know it is paper but I haven’t been able to find out why. Do you know??

A: HI, thank you for your email, I am researching your question for you… that is something that always drove me buggy too, you can find lists galore on what to give for the anniversaries but why they were chosen is another story.

I found why the 25th and 50th anniversaries are stated as silver and gold.. and basically there seems to be a period of time about 1937 when things started changing, and what I have found is jewelers may be to blame, most things you can mark up to marketing.. but to be sure I am looking and reading to see if there was not some kind of folklore connection of some kind. I will keep looking and let you know as soon as I find something.. would you let me know if you find something first, I would sincerely appreciate it.

Swedish Lantern Girl

Q: an old Swedish tradition is that a young girl carries a lantern down the isle first to signify that the wedding is about to begin. Do you happen to know what her title is?? Mon 7/29/2002 12:59 AM

A: So far I have not been able to find anything on such a tradition, but would appreciate any help anyone can offer, either email me or join my Mailing List above. I sincerely appreciate your help!

thank you for your question. I spent a long time trying to find an answer to your question, and I regret I do not have an answer. I have posted it on my Q&A page of my wedding section, perhaps I will get a response. I am starting a mailing list on my Wedding Thoughts page, perhaps you might want to join, and post this question. If you do happen to find out, please let me know, I am very interested in hearing more about this. I will also keep looking and let you know as soon as I have found an answer as well. Thank you again for your inquiry, I wish you a life of happiness in all things!

Cool Idea: Polaroid Memories.

Q: Good point on us waiting a year after he graduates. I know my life has changed so much now that I have been out of college for a little over a year. It’s amazing how you really do change! I am going to forward your web site and tell her how fabulous you are!! 🙂

I checked out the page that you added to your web site. I was going to tell you that one of my good friends got married in Hawaii. A bunch of us went to Hawaii for it and we were going to do the photographs and have people sign them in place of the guest book b/c there were only 20 people there any way. but, we forgot the Polaroid camera!! But, it is an awesome idea!

Also, I went to a wedding in Georgia, and the bride made cupcakes for the grooms cake. On each cupcake she put a letter of the alphabet. Each cupcake spelled out the grooms name. and, she added a not to each one that had a word that described him. For example, his name is Cody, so on one cupcake, there would be a “C” and on the rapper a not that had the word “Caring”. I thought that was a cute idea too 7-25-02

A: I am glad you took well to my comment about waiting another year after he graduates, and that you have had the chance to see how your life has changed since you have been out of school.

Thank you for the compliment on my site, I really appreciate that! I hope your friend likes it too! I would be happy to help her in anyway as well! I am overflowing ideas, it is just scary!

That is so cool to see an idea in action (even if it was before I had written about it) A shame the Polaroid was forgotten, should have bought another one there anyhow, that would have been so cool! (given the camera to the couple as a gift, that would have been fun for them too!)

Cool, about the cupcake idea at the wedding you went to, I just think cupcakes are a great alternative to a wedding cake. I did petit fours instead of a cake at one of my gatherings. It allowed guests could have what they want, mix types whatever, and they don’t start to dry out like cake does when it is cut!

Traditional & Traditions

Q: Thanks for all the great ideas. I have a book of ideas (from gowns to cakes) that I have made and everything you have sent will be in it. I’m from a small town and my parents know everybody, so it will be the “traditional” wedding, but I plan to throw some things in there to make it different. 7-25-02

A: Thank you, including me in your book of ideas! Make sure your parents realize what “traditional” actually is, that is one of those biting words, it has lost its actual meaning. If we all went with “tradition”, weddings would be still where the bride was stolen by the groomsmen, or the bride being sold by her father (hence dowry, and why it was customary for the brides side to pay for the wedding). Thank all things this is not the case anymore! Also wedding gowns would not be white, or all fluffy! Tradition is what you make of it, it is what you understand and wish to include. Just make sure you actually understand what you are incorporating into your wedding. Another way I look at weddings is like a witches brew, if you don’t know what you are putting into it you also don’t know what spell you are casting, just my little way of looking at it all.

It is fascinating how times change once upon a time women married by age 20, else they were considered an old maid. Now to marry when you are 20 is considered young and foolish. I often don’t think people should marry before age 25, so much changes about a person before that age, so much changes after but a large part of a person becoming who they are and who they will be is in that first half of their twenties!

Never too Early to Look!

Q: Well, it’s funny that you asked when my wedding is. I’m not engaged….yet! … I figured what’s it going to hurt to start preparing for my wedding now? I’ll just be that far ahead when the time comes. 7-25-02

A: This comment I have added because I wish to add another thought here. Here is some of what I responded to the above reply..

Hey nothing wrong in the least of being prepared! I commend you! (Another reason on my Q&A page I leave off names, I don’t want to cause any uncomfortable situations). But I think it is excellent that you a re looking at things in advance. One major reason, you will not go into that bridal frenzy, if you already aware of what is out there and what it all means.

Please keep popping in to my website I am always adding and changing.. There is so much information out there a person can go blind just trying to view it all! There are some cool things you can do, … You could do a destination honeymoon wedding, go off just the two of you, get married there. Go for those all-inclusive places that do that kind of thing, they really will treat you like a princess! You have to do nothing, I mean it! We did this, they literally picked us up, brought us to the site of the ceremony, had everything done for us, and the mayor did an awesome job! It was so relaxing and enjoyable! We have so many friends envious of us! You could still throw a party afterwards, and actually enjoy it (so often the bride and groom “have” to do the rounds and play host instead of enjoying the event!) We had friends who ran off to Vegas got married, with out anyone knowing, and then had a party later.. I am filling you in on all of this so you know it does not have to be done any certain way as long as you enjoy and have fun!

I really enjoy being able to make sense of the madness and the chaos that weddings have become. I also really enjoy helping brides, or brides to be, (or in some cases mom’s of brides, or aunt’s, cousin’s, etc.) do something different, and not feel like they “have” to do it a certain way. The “have” to do it a certain way, is meant as all those things people get uptight over and feel they “have” to do, because it has been done, but they don’t even know why! Remember that, cause that is what I have witnessed too many times in weddings that end up being nightmares, and weddings that become either forgettable because they are so cookie cutter (you don’t want to spend all that money for something people forget) or something memorable because it was tragic!

Keep writing, I welcome it! Take care, and again what ever your future holds (and who you hold with it) I wish you happiness!

Break Away Bouquet & Cake Charms

Q: I was checking out your web site and noticed that you mentioned something about break-away-bouquets and how they break apart in the air before anyone grabs them. (I like the part about the charms that have meaning….I think I like this better than the cake idea.) Could you please give me more information on this. 7-24-02

Well, I’ve read a lot about the charms, but most of the stuff I’ve read was about them being baked in the cake. This is the first I’ve heard about the break away bouquets. So, I would love to have some information on that. Thanks! 7-25-02

A: You mentioned that you had heard about the charms before, and them being baked in cakes, and yeah that is how they have been used. My concept is basically traditions start somewhere, make your own.

Consider these thoughts:

Cakes were originally piles of baked goods, and for luck the couple must kiss over the pile without knocking them over. It was not until much later that they became the opulent, overpriced convections you see today.
With the charms they came about from the mass of rhymes, stories, folklore and myths and were made into their own like mini icons, there is no law or reason for them to be in a cake, that is not the only way they can be used.
The concept of throwing the bouquet goes with throwing the garter, which was anything on the bride was considered lucky, she would throw anything she could to escape the crowd, thus ribbons on favors were created, the bouquet and garter toss too.
So meld the meanings add the charms, and create more fun with a break-apart bouquet. By this you are allowing more than one person to receive a bouquet, and adding individuality to each with its own meaning be it floral meanings and or charms.

Break-away bouquet.: Each mini bouquet with a charm, each charm has its own meaning (each charm based from the countless myths and folklore). When thrown the bouquet breaks apart, and it is also a surprise which charm (or wish) each maid will receive. So no more mad massacres at the reception! Well not as much of one (depending on how many maids you have at your reception), since there would be several bouquets going into the air.

Some florists know how to do this, but this really is so simple you can do it your self. Make several mini bundles of flowers (hand tie the stems, and attach a “cake” charm to each bundle) gather the mini bundles then tie a wide ribbon around the group (do not knot it), make it so when you throw it you can hold onto one end of the ribbon and set the mini bundles free.

Make the mini-bouquets even more meaningful, use floral meanings, create a bundle with specific meaning and charm (with corresponding or complimenting meanings) , attach a little card explaining the floral meanings of the bundle and the charm’s meaning.

The “Cake” charms are a nineteenth century American tradition.
The Charm fortunes include:

Ring
Next to marry

Coin
Good fortune

Heart
Romance

Wishbone
Your wish will come true

Button
Old maid

Eternity Ring, WHEN??

Q: I have a query that nobody I know seems to know the answer to. When do you receive your eternity ring? I have had various answers including 1st wedding anniversary, 10th wedding anniversary and the birth of your first child.

What exactly is right? (7-15-02)

A: For the wedding itself the wedding band expresses the eternity showing no beginning or end.

Several rings since had been referred to as eternity bands. They are available as half way around with gems or all the way around which to me is an eternity band (the gems are typically diamonds, but also can alternate with other stones, or be solid with another gem like sapphires, do keep in mind emeralds are very soft and if they are chosen you should not wear them all the time). More recently jewelers have been promoting a three stone anniversary band for the “Past, present & future” which can be the first anniversary, third, or any for that matter.

As far as appropriateness of when you receive the “eternity band” most rules of what you can have as a wedding or engagement ring are so much of what you want go and get it! There once upon a time were absolutes about the plain basic wedding band, but that has changed, with the exception of some religions which it is considered inappropriate for the wedding band to have any interruption with stones or materials, so a basic plain band is what the couple will go with in those situations.

Traditions do vary, however the eternity band is normally given on the first anniversary or first child’s birth. Since most couples aren’t able to afford such and extravagant gift on the first anniversary, as well with the birth of their first child, the tenth anniversary I would agree to be very acceptable, and meaningful, not to mention more feasible!

Correct Ring Finger?

Q: I am curious to know. I only have one arm and it’s my right.. So would it still mean the same to where the engagement and wedding ring on my right hand??

A: Fear not traditions are not all meaning, they are simply traditions, not much different from myths or tales. The main thing that matters is what you hold in your heart to be meaningful, and the love you have for the one you are marrying is what will matter, whether you wore the ring on a finger or a necklace or not at all would not change the meaning for any less or any more. It is what you two share is what means everything!

The “ring finger” being on the left hand only came through assorted beliefs. One that is popular is the vein going directly from the “ring finger” to the heart. Add to that that the “other ring fingers that were used, were: the thumb, or left hand for engagement and the right hand during the wedding ceremony.” So either way you are covered, since the right hand was used for the wedding ring too!

I wish you all the happiness in the world! (6-3-02)